Ice Breaker

This is a little something I learned from “Midnight in Paris”.

There are always pros and cons to everything. Learning the skills of drawing, acting, singing, or any form of art is no different.

You’re able to recognize the specific techniques that most people would just glance over. You’ve a greater appreciation for the art ‘cause you understand it.

On the downside, you’re never able to fully enjoy it because your enjoyment will be laced with jealousy. You’ll start comparing yourself to the artist. You’ll ask yourself, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

It’s a gift and a curse, but I love it.

Tomorrow, I’ll be attending a church that might be the scene of the crime for my sister’ wedding. Of course my future brother-in-law is gonna be there.

It’s gonna be an awkward afternoon spent with my parents as a couple, my brother, sister, and “brother” as a triplet, and me. They always talk about sports. I don’t. So I’ll just be eating as much food as I can stuff in my mouth to avoid any form of awkward conversation.

But I guess attitude is half the battle, so hopefully tomorrow turns out well.

I’ve talked to so many people. I’ve noticed that everyone acts the same.

First impression. Basic hellos. Guarded front. Still uncomfortable. If you’re having a bad day, they’ll show some concern, no one ever really cares.

About a week or two in. Sharing some laughs. Inside jokes. You’d text them.

You spend time together. The intimacy is high. There’s touching involved whether they be friendly or “friendly”. It happens.

I hate people. They’re all the same. Welcome to my pessimistic side. I hate everything right now.

I constantly put myself out there just to get rejected. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: I’ve grown so numb to rejection that I just expect it now.

Even though I’ve my anticipations in a knot, with each and every time I get turned down, it just hurts more and more.

It’s become such a daily part of my life that I come to believe that there’s something wrong with me. Yeah. I didn’t want to, but I just got sucked into the common human nature of blaming oneself.

I’m only human, right?