The hardest promise you can possibly keep is one you make yourself. It’s just a constant struggle to adhere to your vow. There is no outside force to tell you what’s right or wrong, nor is there a reminder. It’s just you, all alone, with your inner strength.
And if you fail, you might just brush it off, or it might be one of the most self-destructive/life-changing moments in your life.
It’s really nice to feel wanted. Having a good group of friends that want to spend time with you is just a really nice and warm feeling :3 ‘cause we all know that friendship is a two-way street. This goes for all kinds of relationships; as long as the both parties put in the effort to build a friendship, it’ll happen.
I’m finally abiding by all the wise words given to me. Fuck everyone, dude. I’m obviously not ready for a relationship. When I’m ready, I’ll be ready. I have to learn to respect myself before I can learn how to do that with others. No one was hurting me; I’ve been putting the blame on everyone else. In reality, it was my fault. I’m learning to forgive myself, to wear my heart on my sleeve on certain occasions, and to be patient. It’ll be a long journey, but that’s the fun part in life, not the destination.
I’m vulnerable. Right now, I’m in a state where I’d keep whomever I can get my hands on. I’m desperate for love. I try and I try and I try, but I keep getting shot down. I can never bring myself to listen ‘cause I once heard that if you find love you should never let it go. The thing is, the type of love I’m looking for is something I’ve never experienced. With the path I’m going on now, I’ll just be digging an even bigger hole of mistrust. I just need reality to hit me in the face right now.
For now I’ll just continue to study for this damned biology class. I’m glad I took a summer class; it helps me get my mind of things.
Tonight was my cousin’s last day in Florida. Being from a tightly knit Asian family, this is a big deal. We had a surprise going away party just for her, and it was nice. We had a ton of food, we played games, swam in the pool, just the usual things my family always does.
It’s definitely gonna be weird having her gone, but I guess I should get used to it since not everything is permanent.
Then she pulled me aside and asked me a favor. She asked me to take care of her little sisters. It made me a little teary-eyed hearing that from her since, for one, she was starting to tear up, and two, she payed attention to me, and noticed how close I am with them.
Well, I hope her life is more fruitful than it ever was here in Florida, and I’ll definitely do my best to be a better “brother” to her little munchkins.