Ice Breaker

When is it gonna be the other way around?

We were all hanging out with our mutual friends not paying attention to anything going on. Just at a regular kickback. Everyone’s talking to everyone and just throwing out really good vibes amongst the the group as a whole.

I didn’t even realize that you were sitting next to me; that’s how comfortable and natural all of this felt. We would laugh, look at each other, laugh some more and then inch closer and closer to one another. Sooner or later, your head was on my shoulder, and your hand was finding its way toward mine. We looked at each other for more than a glance… And then we realized everyone was staring back at us so we all just laughed.

And that’s when I woke up…

Everything I go through is another lesson. I know I’m not openly religious, but I thank God for every opportunity to learn. Like today:

It was THE roughest day at work today. I’ve only been working as a host for a week, and I was just thrown into a busy holiday. I was frazzled, running around, yelled at multiple times in front of multiple people. There were times when I literally wanted to just step out of the building, drive home, and just sulk in my room.

But there are always these drawbacks that’ll launch you forward in life. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and wait for something good to happen.

I learned a lot today. It sucked ass, but I’m stronger now, and closer to at least one of my managers :T

It’s scary to invest your all into people. Breaking down these walls is a big thing.

But I knew people were right when they said too much of a good thing is bad. Like intersecting lines, people are meant to be in each other’s lives for a certain period of time, and then leave, and the amount of time you have varies. It just sucks whenever it’s cut short.

I guess it’s a life decision people have whether to set down their bridges and tie some strings, or to burn them and move on all together. Unfortunately, I’ve learned the latter.

It’s time to move.

Why can’t I keep my cool like you always seem to do? Why can’t I ignore you just as much as you ignore me, and remain collected?

Does that make me weak; the fact that my knees buckle and my mind trembles every time you’re around me?

I call you a bitch to get over you, but everyone knows I’m a compulsive liar.

The funny thing is, you probably have no idea all this is going on in my head.

I have all this weight on my heart from the love I die to share. I’m drowning. I’m hopeless. A hopeless romantic just dying to show someone, anyone, just how much love is able to be given.

The best things in life come free, and so do the worst, but none of that matters if it’s not desirable.

I’m just glad I’m in my bed ready to sleep.

Shit, I’m late.
Am I over dressed?
Fuck it’s packed in here.
No privacy.
Did you seriously talk about guys you used to talk to?
Damn, I’m over dressed.
Fuck this egg roll; it’s getting everywhere!
Was he just flirting?
Fuck, what do I talk about now?
I wanna go.
Fuck.
Oh, he’s paying?
Cute.
Shit, what do I do now?
I guess I’ll open my door.
Oh, hug?
That was awkward, but thanks.
Shit.

I clearly don’t understand the dynamics of socialites.

I don’t want to get my hopes up, not do I wanna get hurt, but it seriously doesn’t hurt to try.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think I could possibly please perfection put in a person IMO.

Alliterations are always fun, but I digress..

I guess this is where one says, “Fuck the facts, I’ll do what I want.”

But facts are all we know; stability is always nice to have, but where’s the fun in that?

Guys, I hope you understand that my words are gold. Use them. Quote me even.

I’m awesome.

Broke down this morning. Thought about it slightly. I really need to reevaluate my life if I keep thinking like this. I’ve just been so stressed out lately.

It definitely doesn’t help that it was Valentine’s Day yesterday.

I’m just rolling with the punches but I’m this close to being knocked out.

I want someone to like me for me. I want to know what I want to do in the future. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want stability, but I also want spontaneity.

But sometimes I don’t even know what I’m gonna do today.

I’ve caught myself so far into the future that I haven’t given myself the time or day to just appreciate, but if I don’t worry now, what’ll happen?

Goshhhhh

I’m at a point in my life where it’s the same shit different day. There’s a huge void that I’m constantly trying to fill. Boys. Music. Studies. Friends. What do I do? I just need productivity that keeps my attention.

I think I need to get my guitar fucking strung soon.

I’d rather not hang out with people that are defined by their relationships. Even if they were the sweetest person in the world. Yes; I’m jealous. Who wouldn’t be if they’ve been single all their lives? Am I allowed to be bitter? I don’t know and I don’t care. They’re my emotions, and it’s what I’m feeling so please respect me, and stop subtly shoving your love in my face.

Maybe it’s the fact that Valentine’s day is coming up, or maybe it’s the fact that you’re a little bitch. I can’t decide; let’s just say a it’s a mixture of both.

So I think this is the first year I gave my dad a gift for his birthday, by myself. Mostly ‘cause I actually have money.

He read the card, laughed, hugged me with one arm and kissed me on the head.

I know I always wrote how much my dad pissed me off, but I still just want my dad to love me sometimes, you know?

It just means a lot to me okay?